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October 2016
Laverne's View

Puppy Love

I sure hope you aren't a hoax. I've been in trouble several times for trusting people on FB, only to find that they were sleazy. That said, I just came across a note you wrote to me three years ago, asking if I was the little girl, back in 1947 who spent time in Coney Island? I AM THAT GIRL!!

Puttin' on the Gritz

A Witch for All Seasons

I fluffed my uncolored, unconditioned hair, forced a smile on my wrinkled face and hoped my unbleached teeth took focus away from my vertical lip lines. I batted my droopy eyes while my oversized, hot-pink nose twitched like a bitch-kitty. “I’m growing old gracefully.”

Ernie's World

Hidden Gem

We had been instructed to “continue slowly up the private two-way drive for two miles, watching carefully for oncoming cars.” The steep, winding road was the exact width of our Honda Civic.


Playing Chicken!

Consumers Digest claims that the rotisserie chicken “looks cheap, but it’s really not, which can easily mislead people.” I remember my father saying something like this to my sister when she started wearing makeup in the ninth grade.

September 2016
Laverne's View

He’s Retired

I don’t do mornings. I do everything I can to bypass mornings. Generally, I struggle to lift my head from the pillow after a sleepless night during which I staggered to the bathroom at least three times. Mornings are when I need peace, quiet, and…in a perfect world…solitude.

Gray Matter

Want Some Cheese with That Whine

Will my headstone read “If it wasn’t for all the whining, she would have been great.” Folks don’t want to be around naysayers and grumps; they want to be around positive people. I want to be one of those people. I knew I had to take action.


Pailing by Comparison

In the intro, the author teases the potential bucket-neer: “Did you know that a 5-gallon bucket can be hacked, hot-rodded and upcycled?”  No, I didn’t know that. And by the way, now that I do know that, I still have no idea what that means.

August 2016
The Old Gal

Groovy Words That Make You Sick

Not that I didn’t want to be “with it” ... but coming from a family of five children, two emotionally exhausted parents, an antiquated and always present grandmother, and an endless assortment of Catholic hierarchy about the place, I found it difficult enough to be heard, let alone, understood ... I didn’t want to risk using up my all too brief window of opportunity on having to explain that “bitch n’” was actually meant as a compliment before getting slapped for swearing at my sainted grandmother!

Gray Matter

Crazy from the Heat

The truth is that extreme heat causes sun poisoning, burned shoulders, and looser ear wax. Hot weather makes us irritable, violent, and depressed. In other words, the heat makes you crazy. And I'm not kidding about the ear wax thing.

Social Insecurity

You’re Only as Old as You Feel — and That’s the Problem

So how is it that we are in the midst of a presidential campaign and not one rising star from either of those generations is represented? All right, granted, you have to be 35 years old to qualify. But nowhere does it say that you have to be on Social Security!

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