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July 2018
Social Insecurity

When the Going Gets Tough — Have a Snack

Now comes the hard part — stepping out the door and putting one foot in front of the other somewhat quickly. This is the juncture where most of us falter. For many older novice runners this is their version of “hitting the wall.”


How to Be a Geezer

Geezers are tough. Geezers are distinctive and ornery. A geezer has a strong identity. If you want to be called a geezer, here’s how to do it.

Ernie's World

Plane, Train, Taxi, and a Man From Holland

The paper with the two Japanese characters, followed by 4 numbers separated by dashes, then two more characters, three numbers, a dot, then four more numbers got passed around. One neighbor would point one way, while another pointed the other way. Then they would switch.


Piece of My Mind

I’m good with a warning label on my statins, but if my garment had side effects, I might want to reconsider the selection. In that column, I also made fun of yoga, in general. In hindsight (ok, there’s a pun I didn’t plan), maybe I should have been less judgmental.

June 2018

If Tomorrow Comes?

“I shudder when the phone rings. ‘Who is it? What are they saying? What do they want?’ he asks, all while I’m struggling to hear the caller. But when HE'S on the phone...”


Do You Speak Millennial?

But don’t despair. Help is here. It’s time to take the English as a Second Language quiz. Give it a try. Your results will predict whether conversation with your grandchildren is still possible.


Oops, I Accidentally ‘Sprang Back’

The twice-a-year ritual also leads to a surprising revelation as to how the time differs on each clock that we have. The difference in time can be so extreme that it’s possible my clocks in the kitchen are on standard time while those in the basement show the current time in Reykjavik, Iceland.


What Next? Boy Scout Cookies?

At its peak in the 1970s, the Boy Scouts of America boasted close to five million members. Maybe it needs to offer a senior citizens division.


Foto Foodies

I’m not sure this is a totally new idea. Unlike Joe, I’ve been uploading meals and then downloading them onto my shirts for more than 60 years. It’s not uncommon for people to ask
me about certain food choices I have posted on my clothing for all my friends to see…

May 2018
Gray Matter

Do I Have VPL?

This might be a good time to say I’m in favor of VPL. I want people to know I’m wearing panties. I’m a good Catholic girl, a GCG, and GCGs wear panties. I want my P to be V. I want all my under stuff to be V. I’d like to go on record saying that my P is always V. 

* * * * *

When I finally did get it on, it held everything in all right but I looked like a tube of dough stuffed in a paper towel tube. I had no shape at all in the middle, unless you call a can of corn shapely – and there seemed to be muffins sticking out at the top and bottom.

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