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December 2015

That's What Friends Are For

I can hear Him saying, "Well, angels, we need to whip up some more people today, so y'all just flutter on down to Cleo's and pick up all the ingredients we need." My house is rather like a one stop shopping center for angels on dust assignment. It's the least I can do for the cause.


Weight Weight, Don’t Tell Me

When it comes to dieting, yours truly has reached more goals than some hockey players — living testimony to the claim that most people who lose weight find it again.

Ernie's World

A New Me Coming Soon

In non-Chinese horoscopes I am a crab and they tell me it will be a great year for crabs –  not counting those caught by fishing boats, I guess. Says the more money I spend the more money I can accumulate. Hm, they must mean lottery tickets. "Hey, Dear, can I borrow 20 bucks?"

Ernie's World

Mo' Better Golf

I checked to see if they have any golf courses in the California desert. I don't know if you know this or not, but they have hundreds of them! The first explorers of the Coachella Valley (Lewis and Clark? Palmer and Nicklaus?) must have found every grassy spot available and run around sticking flags in them.

November 2015

Revenge of the Nerd

We had this idea for an arcade with all kinds of video games and dancing and food and our slogan would be “For Loners, Losers and Lovers.” We were sure the word “lovers” would bring in lots of kids like us (hopeful nerds).

Ernie's World

Simple Is as Simple Does

The water was so clear and the fan coral was gently swaying in the current. I aimed right at it, pressed the shutter release and... nothing happened. I pressed it again and again. Nothing. I threw the camera as far as I could, which wasn't far considering it was attached to my wrist.

Ernie's World

TV or Not TV? That Is the Question

This year, the retail industry decided to expand Black Friday. It started with Off-white Wednesday, then Gray Thursday, Black Friday and Olive Saturday. By then I’d lost so many golf balls in the little lake that the ducks began throwing them back at me. So, when Silver-Lining Sunday came along, I figured “What the hell” I’d better buy something.


Cable Blues

The agent put Keegan on hold for 40 minutes (although he said it would just be a moment), which made me feel better: every endless second we waited, I was more assured this was a real cable company.

October 2015
The Hippocratic Oaf

Who Gets the Most Mail -- Seniors or Seniors?

You see, these colleges are interested in these young students’ intellect (tuition money) and insurance carriers are interested in seniors’ well-being (premiums), both exceeding thousands of dollars per year, for multiple years.

Social Insecurity

Shorten Your Life - Have an Affair

Despite my current midlife crisis — midlife in the sense that scientists predict someday humans will live to be 120 — I’ve never considered registering on the extramarital affair website.

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