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March 2016
Social Insecurity

Will Purr for Food

In contrast to cats, dogs make sacrifices for others. They rescue people who are in danger such as drowning or lost in the woods. Remember Lassie? Or Old Yeller? You never saw Fluffy the pussycat saving Timmy from a trained circus bear trying to act ferocious, did you? No, of course not.

Agelessly Yours

Give Me Yesterday’s Child

It took all my will power to not quote what a teacher actually once wrote on some kid’s report card to his parents. “The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.”

Ernie's World

Whose Name Is It Anyway?

It does make you wonder, though, if this corporate take-over of historic names could become commonplace. Might we soon be going to Spitting Geysers National Park instead of Yellowstone? Or Mount Rock Noses instead of Mount Rushmore?

February 2016

Living Forever in the Cyber-Cloud

These days, I can do whatever I want, with no silly accountability issues or painful consequences to fret over. The cyber-cloud may not be heaven, but at least I’m not going to fry in hell.

Circling the Drain

Watching Grandma Circle the Drain

Alkaline hydrolysis is only legal in two states: Minnesota and New Hampshire. Other states, including Ohio, California, Florida, Maine and Oregon have legislation pending. So, if hydrolysis appeals to you, you'll have to be sure that you include in your last will and testament, instructions for someone to drive you over the border.

Ernie's World

Tube Be or not Tube Be

Did I mention we were the only ones in the dimly-lit lava tube? No one in the world knew we were here except us. If we did have a combination earthquake/eruption/flash flood it might be decades before we were excavated.

January 2016
Laverne's View

Fun, as in Funeral

My sorrow intensified as I pondered the fact that she was my peer, and I was way too young to be the same age as someone who died of old age.

The Hippocratic Oaf

Are Your Grandchildren Drugged? Hey, Your Grandparents Did the Same Thing!

Finally, in 1910, the New York Times decided the whole narcotic-babysitter concept was probably bad in the long run, and ran an article pointing out that these soothing syrups contained, "...morphine sulfate, chloroform, morphine hydrochloride, codeine, heroin, powdered opium, cannabis indica," and sometimes several of them in combination.

The Grumpy Old Man

Grumpy Goes Fly Fishing

Trout are extremely intelligent. Their priorities are eating, resting and reproducing. In fact, that's their entire agenda. If that's not proof of intelligence I don't know what is.


‘Sick’ Humor

I quickly learned that it isn’t wise to make a nurse laugh when she is about to insert needles into my body. I made this error before my first chemo infusion and had to wait until she literally stopped shaking from laughter. From then on, I held my quips until all needles were in proper places.

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