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November 2017
Laverne's View

There’s No Place Like It

“Sweetheart,” I said, “Do you remember our beautiful, renovated kitchen, with every modern convenience? If so, then you must certainly know I’ve never been in it. So, why would I enjoy cooking on vacation, in a small box on wheels?”

Alive and Kidding

I Can't Flip My Mattress!

It had been so long since I'd slept on anything that didn't resemble a ski slope or a topographical map of the Himalayas, I'd forgotten what a level mattress felt like. It was heavenly. I actually could feel my back muscles writing me a thank-you note.

Agelessly Yours

Are My Stocking Seams Straight?

What did we ever concern or complain about before in our younger years? All we had to worry about back then was to find the ideal mate (which we did) raised well-adjusted, give-back-to-society kids (which they are) and be nothing to those who crossed and are crossing our paths in life but a joy and inspiration to them (which we are).

Ernie's World

Happy Big Night Day

Fifteen shrimp, a mound of risotto the size of a small animal, and several glasses of wine later, I stopped complaining.


Feeding Frenzy

Some biographers think the equation E = mc2 really meant the amount of food you can Eat (that would be E) is equal to the size of the average Mouth (that’s M) times the number of cousins (C) who were invited for a holiday dinner.


What a Pain

Unlike a heart or kidney, you do not get someone else’s knee: it pretty much comes in a box like a pair of shoes from Amazon Prime. You just have to pray it’s going to fit. And there’s a lousy return policy.

October 2017
Vintage Vibes

Wanted: Wisdom and Maturity

Unfortunately one of the staff was walking by and nearly had a conniption fit. Apparently, asking callers if people are “dead or alive” is not considered good funeral home etiquette.


Words Matter

My wife was still laughing uncontrollably when she handed the phone to me to speak to our son who was also laughing very hard. When he was able to stop laughing he explained to me that it was impossible for me to have a torn labia as that was part of female genitalia.

Social Insecurity

How Did We Get from Summer of Love to Summer of Bifocals?

Some folks look back at that period of pot-smokin’, free-lovin’ hippies with disdain. But I’ve got to tell you, all that wild and crazy behavior sounds pretty darn good to me at certain times nowadays, like when I’m sitting in the hospital lobby waiting to get my colonoscopy.


The Spin

One image of seniors is that we constantly repeat ourselves. I suggest we spin this by saying we are simply reinforcing our ideas (mostly to people who are not smart enough to understand what we are saying the first time).

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