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Humor

March 2017
White-Walker
Agelessly Yours

Getting More Attention Than Most

I’m not saying that as we age we all haven’t earned the right to live one stage away from being in a coma, but let’s face it, some people slow down long before they even start up. Tilly took to her bed when she was around 45, but before then, she was very bearable, almost entertaining until she discovered that she could really bask in the limelight if she was constantly “sick.”

Witham
Ernie's World

Spirit of California Gold Country

The California Gold Rush started in 1848 and ended in about 1855. Some 300,000 prospectors came from all over to world to find their fortune. Very few did. But they did greatly increase the population and development of California, as well as the traffic on Route 5, which at that time was simply known as Donkey Cart Path 1.

Wolfsie

All the News That’s Fit to Sprint!

Kevin is used to dealing with people who sit in front of a computer all day and he feared that helping them set up their Fitbit could lead his clients to begin a physical fitness regimen — leaving less time for them to download viruses and malware, the bread and butter of his repair service.

February 2017
Levine
Levine's Levity

Tax Loopy Holes

As a tax pro at a retail firm, I have found that every line in the 1040 is the catalyst for a mini-series. In fact a good name for what ensues is a “Funny Thing Happened on the Way to The Forms” If you don’t agree, I will refund your time spent reading this.

Marze
Vintage Vibes

Spring Break Senior Style

My short legs kept sliding in opposite directions trying to escape my hindquarters. I had already expended a lot of my body’s capacity for physical vigor trying to roll from my back to my belly to my knees. The potential damage I could do with the ski poles had people of perception slip-sliding out of my reach! All this and I was just trying to get in line for the lesson!

Rosen

The Bite

By saying “situation” and not “problem” I was showing what a progressive grandfather I was. One thing I did not want to say was, “I’m going to tell your mother.” That’s not who I am. I am better than that. I can fix this problem myself (oops, I said problem).

White-Walker
Agelessly Yours

Look Again, Lady

It’s good not to push when you’re aware that you have aching knees when you walk, or throbbing toes when you struggle to wear sexy dress shoes in the city, as if anybody in Times Square, “the crosswalk of the world,” would even notice?

Witham
Ernie's World

Yippee Ki-yay

"Look, it's John Wayne!" I hadn't realized he was a singing cowboy when he started. They had a clip of him walking into a gunfight, singing to the other gunslinger as he got ready to draw. He only did his own singing once before someone quickly suggested dubbing.

Wolfsie

Pants on Fire

I am going to start a support group for men who have waists and inseams that are not even numbers. Share your stories, explain your frustrations. Admit you are odd. I’m going to call it Alterations Anonymous.

January 2017
Lebel
Gray Matter

Help Me! I Think I’m Cursed

I’m pretty sure there’s no cure for this disorder, so in desperation I’m starting a foundation, PSHU, to raise money to look into whatever it is that causes a sane person during a breast exam to chirp out Madonna’s infamous song lines “Like a virgin. Touched for the very first time.”

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