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July 2017
Laverne's View

Who Am I?

My DNA suggests that my muscle composition is common in elite power athletes. In reality, if you Google “uncoordinated” my photo will appear.... I was so clumsy, and without muscle power, that when it came time to climb the hanging ropes in gym, I never got further than sitting on the knot.

Agelessly Yours

Anyone Can Write Articles?

It’s not the highlight of one’s life to be approached without warning by an-in-your-face dopey dame who greets you with, “Ya know, anybody can write articles."

Ernie's World

An Apple a Day?

A large, humorless guy said: “I’ve got to frisk you.” I assumed the pose. I got a small itch in one of those hard to reach places. I was tempted to ask him to scratch it.


Kneedy People!

While I was hobbling along as fast as I could go, a guy in a wheelchair was griping at me to speed it up, and a toddler in a stroller was shaking his fist and crabbing at me to get over to the right so he could pass. 

June 2017
Add One More Day...

I Can’t Believe It’s Not Better

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not a complete dolt. I know the difference between a noun and a verb, aisle or isle, their, there or they’re. I got some smarts … just none that relate to anything particularly useful to future generations.

Agelessly Yours

On the Corner of Despondency and Despair

No wonder people’s mental health is deteriorating. We're being recognized by our passport photos, which are about as flattering as a police line-up mug shot.

Ernie's World

How Black is Black?

My stomach grumbled.

“What was that?” a young girl on the tour asked.

“Sounded like a wounded bat.”


Just Fine for Parking!

You were too tired to cook at home and you’re also too cheap to tip the waitress, so why do you think you should have a special place to park?

May 2017
Laverne's View

Let It All Hang Out

We made plans to meet for lunch a few weeks later. I was already seated when Sue's enhanced appendages rounded the corner and entered the room a full minute before the rest of her. When I finally saw her face she was beaming.

Musings of an Undefeated Matriarch

Make Mine a Double

Most of us leave childish habits behind except when it comes to ice cream cones. Our tongue will curl around a cone as happily as ivy intertwines a trellis. Whether waffle or wafer, a cone piled high with vanilla, chocolate, or strawberry ice cream is one of life’s guilty pleasures.

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