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February 2019
Laverne's View

Getting All That I Deserve

He then said that since his wife’s passing he’d only dated young women with tight derrieres, firm boobs and airbrushed skin. I assured him that we would never meet.

But, he wore me down, and we did meet, and despite my puckered skin, timeworn boobs and great-for-child-bearing hips, he wanted me because he liked my mind.


Taken Without a Grain of Salt

Have you ever considered smearing butter and jam on the cardboard shipping box containing your latest Amazon delivery? I guarantee you that it couldn’t taste much worse than what I was attempting to swallow.


My First Honeymoon

My suspicion they might be drinking on my wedding day was confirmed when Uncle Joyce came back outside for another cigarette. After finishing it, and stomping the butt out on the sidewalk, he walked face-first into the same door again!

January 2019
Laverne's View

Just Another Day in Hell

 I explained that I have had countess decades to form friendships with vegetables, but it hadn’t happened, “so, while it’s difficult to believe that it’s ever going to happen, I understand the importance of at least inviting them to dinner,” so I promised I would.


It’s Hard to Buy a Winter Coat in Winter

Discouraged, I headed home and actually tried to repair my old jacket. The results were so crooked, bunched up and hideous looking, the only place I’d ever wear the jacket would be in the woods…after dark. Even then, the wild animals probably would point at it and laugh.


Where, Oh Where Art Thou, Fellow Snowbirds?

Like Florida gators, it was possible that we could make friends on the water so we did take some intercoastal waterway cruises. These excursions featured the waterfront properties of the rich and ostentatious.

Ernie's World

Head West, er, East, er, Somewhere, Young Man

Being a visionary city, Tokyo uses Oshiya or “passenger arrangement staff” to literally shove millions of passengers aboard the trains during rush hours to maximize car space, which works quite well. Our train was so full, I could have passed out cold and never ended up on the floor.

July 2018
Puttin' on the Gritz

Speak Softly and Carry a Big Purse

I tossed my cloth napkin on the floor so that I would have a reason to crawl underneath the table. Did I want to seriously slap that woman into the middle of next week? Oh, yes.

Laverne's View

Now Hear This

 “If you’d have just slapped the plate down in front of me I’d have been forced to eat whatever was on it. Now I have to make a responsible decision, damn it. Just bring me a pickle.”

Love Cook

Road Rage, Robe Rage and Overload Rage

It was a lengthy wait. In fact, it appeared the elderly driver was trying to make up his mind. Maybe he was thinking: Is it Pepto Bismol that I’m after? As a senior often overwhelmed by indecision, I could identify.

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