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November 2016
Circling the Drain

Watching Paint Dry

Figuring out ways to look busy as a bank teller was a whole new slice of pizza. Unlike my abbreviated career at Three Mile Island, we weren't allowed to sleep on the job. We couldn't read, eat, surf the Internet, or talk on the telephone between clients. Yet, we were supposed to look busy, lending a professional air to the three customers that came in during the day.

Agelessly Yours

May Your Cornucopia Be Bulging

Why is it so easy to lie rather than tell the truth? Probably because our ancestors, particularity Adam and Eve, lied to Our Lord, and if they could lie to him, how much easier it is to fib to family and friends who don’t hold our eternal salvation in their hands.

Ernie's World

Volcanoes, Condors and Bats, Oh My!

The park is the home of many reptiles, including the once-endangered red-legged frog, birds, mammals, and 400 species of bees, the largest diversity in North America. I'm not sure how you can tell one bee from another. Maybe they too have tiny tags around their ankles.


Turn for the Worse!

“Jeez, Kevin. Of course I pushed the off button. How dumb do you think I am? And please don’t mention that time you came to the house and for a hundred bucks got my printer working by just plugging it back in the outlet.”

October 2016
Strictly Humor

Going on 66 and Discounting

Ack! It was the first time I’d ever thought of myself as a golden-ager, and because the legal and social definitions can vary from one person, state, business or country to another, I found myself pausing in the awkward moment.

Laverne's View

Puppy Love

I sure hope you aren't a hoax. I've been in trouble several times for trusting people on FB, only to find that they were sleazy. That said, I just came across a note you wrote to me three years ago, asking if I was the little girl, back in 1947 who spent time in Coney Island? I AM THAT GIRL!!

Puttin' on the Gritz

A Witch for All Seasons

I fluffed my uncolored, unconditioned hair, forced a smile on my wrinkled face and hoped my unbleached teeth took focus away from my vertical lip lines. I batted my droopy eyes while my oversized, hot-pink nose twitched like a bitch-kitty. “I’m growing old gracefully.”

Ernie's World

Hidden Gem

We had been instructed to “continue slowly up the private two-way drive for two miles, watching carefully for oncoming cars.” The steep, winding road was the exact width of our Honda Civic.


Playing Chicken!

Consumers Digest claims that the rotisserie chicken “looks cheap, but it’s really not, which can easily mislead people.” I remember my father saying something like this to my sister when she started wearing makeup in the ninth grade.

September 2016
Laverne's View

He’s Retired

I don’t do mornings. I do everything I can to bypass mornings. Generally, I struggle to lift my head from the pillow after a sleepless night during which I staggered to the bathroom at least three times. Mornings are when I need peace, quiet, and…in a perfect world…solitude.

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