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Reflections April 2012

Age-Full Living

The Value of Community

By Sue Ronnenkamp

One of the great benefits that often accompanies this transition is the opportunity to live and be involved in community. Yes, I know that moving is hard but I learned that living alone in isolation is worse.

Our predilection for fierce independence, rather than our true interdependence, is not helpful. - Jane Basey

There was a lot of hard work involved with providing "hands on" help to folks making a later life move, but there were also the rewards. I remember one evening when I was finishing up a move at a retirement community where many of the residents were former clients of mine. I was down in the main lobby several times that day and had the opportunity to witness something that absolutely thrilled me.

Scattered all over the main floor and lobby were clusters of older adults having engaging conversations, playing pool, laughing together. I knew many of these residents and was happy to see them looking so good and so involved in the company of others. One of my former clients was playing pool. I was almost shocked to see him because he had Alzheimer's disease and the last time I had seen him he was not doing well. Yet here he was playing pool with another gentleman and looking great.

I started my senior move management business back in 1998, and persevered with this tough work for over 10 years, because of my firm belief in the value of moving on to a place and setting that is more fitting for the later stages of life. One of the great benefits that often accompanies this transition is the opportunity to live and be involved in community. Yes, I know that moving is hard but I learned that living alone in isolation is worse.

This is what I typically saw with many of my clients. Some had recently lost a spouse, others were experiencing failing health, many had no family living close by, and there were clients who had no family. Most of them were living in family-sized homes that were way too big for their current needs, many of their friends had moved or passed away, and some couldn't drive anymore. This can all be very depressing. So the norm was to see clients looking better and more energized after the move, than they did before. Why? Because they were no longer alone and isolated. They had new friends, they were part of a new community, and they had a reason to get out and get involved again.

As far as I'm concerned, we put way too much value on independence. It has its place but it is only one part of our life cycle. Interdependence and dependence also play a large role, though we too often forget this. In Tuesdays with Morrie, Morrie Schwartz taught his former student and all of us a lot about living through his dying. Morrie knew the value of interdependence and the place that dependence holds in our lives. Listen to what he had to say about this: "In the beginning of life, when we are infants, we need others to survive, right? And at the end of life, when you get like me, you need others to survive, right? But here's the secret: in between, we need others as well." How true this is!

My hope for our society is that we reclaim the value of interdependence and the benefits of community. In order to this we'll have to release some of our need for independence that often isolates and separates us from others. We may even need to let go of our long-time homes and move on. But living in community and being involved in the lives of others can offer tremendous value as we grow older.

One of the special opportunities of the later stages of life is learning the importance of interdependence and dependence and acknowledging that having support and companionship and interaction with others is a good thing. You don't have to be old to shift your thinking in this direction. But it's also never too late to let go of some of that fierce independence, and open to the benefits of community and being in the company of others.

 

Sue Ronnenkamp is a retirement living and transition expert. Her education and consulting work focuses on planning ahead, embracing change, moving forward, and living every season of life to the fullest. For more information, visit Sue's website at www.AgeFullLiving.com.

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