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Reflections April 2014

The Divine Secrets of the "Ah-ha!" Brotherhood

By Bill Alewyn

Through no fault in our intelligence quotients. our "uh-oh" moments are often frequent, never dull, and rarely fatal while our "ah-ha!" insights usually remain limited to "So that's what the red light is for," or "The garbage disposal is still running, Norm, so don't go sticking your tongue into it like you did the last time."

Sooner or later almost everyone experiences that twinkling epiphany when the proverbial light bulb of recognition illuminates the cobwebbed attic of our brains. A lot of people refer to this sudden satori of insight as their "ah-ha!" moment.

Myself? I've always been infinitely more familiar with that irreversible moment when you realize all's gone to hell in a leaky oxygen dirigible and there's not a damn thing you can do except wait for the firemen to show up with their trampolines and you light up one last cigarette. I call this the "uh-oh!" moment, ah-ha's more remedial cousin.

I'm sure Stephen Hawking has experienced more than his fair share of ah-ha! moments in his life, as have Thomas Edison, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein. That said, it would be safe to say that Lou Costello, Jerry Lewis, and the Three Stooges are among those professional oafs whose combined "uh-oh" moments far outnumbered their "ah-ha's" and so far their efforts have been rewarded with lucrative careers. And, for my money, you can put two-thirds of the House and the entire U.S. Senate on the "uh-oh" side of that ledger.

That's because these folks, like myself, have yet to divine the secrets of the "ah-ha!" brotherhood. Forget for a moment all the Ah-Ha's of this world. We Uh-Oh's are still trying to figure out how to program our old VCRs and why all our aluminum foil-covered leftovers light up like St. Elmo's fire every time we put them in the microwave. We're the ones who stand around with jumper cables in our hands, asking ourselves, "Let's see, is it the red cable or the black cable I hook to the aerial?"

Through no fault in our intelligence quotients. our "uh-oh" moments are often frequent, never dull, and rarely fatal while our "ah-ha!" insights usually remain limited to "So that's what the red light is for," or "The garbage disposal is still running, Norm, so don't go sticking your tongue into it like you did the last time."

Perhaps there's some truth to the rumor that Uh-Oh and Ah-Ha candidates are determined while they're still very young. This might also explain that as a child I built toy models. Correction: I would attempt to build toy models. Inevitably I would glue all the wrong pieces together or else lose them entirely.

Once, after working three diligent weeks with glue and tweezers on an intricate scale model of the Nautilus, America's first nuclear-powered submarine, I finally came to the last piece in the box, which I reverently daubed with glue and pressed to the superstructure. So far so good.

Whereupon I took that moment to solemnly assure myself: "When I remove my hand from this model and, if the last piece remains in place as theoretically it should, then all will be right with the world and all my endeavors from this moment forward will prove productive and profitable."

Then, in renewed religious faith, I removed my hand from the toy submarine and – in that indelible "uh-oh" moment that would invariably shape my life – the entire toy model fell apart. All except for the one piece – a miniature nuclear reactor, I think – that would remain for the next three days emblematically glued to my index finger.

Don't get me wrong, we "Uh-oh's" have our "ah-ha!" moments too. Mine came when I threw those useless submarine pieces away and vowed never to build another toy model again. I guess the thing to remember here is we're all human, genetically speaking.

And now that I've given up both toy models and nuclear engineering as lucrative hobbies, I still occasionally remind myself that Uh-Oh's have their "ah-ha's!" just as surely as Ah-Ha's have their "uh-oh's!" And that is what makes this planet so eternally interesting, or, if you're an Ah-Ha observing an Uh-Oh, the word might be eternally amusing.

Albert Einstein, the quintessential "Ah-Ha!" Man of his generation, was once rumored to have left his apartment without his pants, as I have done on occasion myself. "Ah-ha!" I tell myself. "Doesn't this prove I'm a genius too?"

And from our door my wife smiles and tosses me my pants. "Here you go, Einstein, this makes it three times this month. For my money, you're off the genius charts."

And, for this quintessential Uh-Oh Man, it's an "Ah-ha!" crying to be savored.

 

"There are two types of people in this world: "ah-ha's!" and "uh-oh's!" and uh-oh's like me have yet to divine the secrets of the Ah-ha Brotherhood."

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