Dear Karen: The event I have anticipated and dreaded for years is upon us in a few months. My folks are still active and relatively astute at 85 and 86. Nevertheless, I am grateful that they have decided on their own to move to a retirement home that is just being built. They’ve lived in their house for over 50 years!

My siblings and I will help them move, of course, but I’m more concerned about divvying up 50 years’ worth of accumulation. There’s everything from our third grade pottery to a large silk carpet I suspect is quite valuable. How do we do this with three siblings 3,000 miles apart, and still keep speaking to each other? – Dreading sibling confrontation

Dear Sibling:  Congratulations to your parents on their upcoming milestone. You and your siblings are fortunate indeed that your parents are healthy and that they made their own decision. They are leaving under their own power. The Center for Retirement Research at Boston College says baby boomers will eventually inherit $8 trillion in cash, real estate, and a whole lot of curios. You’re not alone in your predicament.

Since your folks are preparing in this way, they likely already have wills and perhaps a trust. These should be consulted for any special instructions as to the division of assets. Aside from specific wishes by your parents, the actually choosing of household items presents challenges that are best solved on the ground.

This situation presents as many opportunities as challenges. If your parents are willing, you might want to spend some time asking them about the provenance of various objects. They will likely appreciate your caring about family heirlooms, keepsakes, and mementos. At the same occasion or a subsequent one, you can assemble an inventory list including this special information. Ebay can be a valuable resource for some ballpark values, if you choose to include that in the list. Then it’s time to hold the Great Eeny Meeny Miney event.

On the day of the event, realize, remember – and keep remembering – that your relationships with your siblings are more important than stuff. Agree to try to be your best selves, and forgive each other for inevitable moments when old hurts get in the way.

Here are some guidelines that worked for us:

1. Local siblings can put together the inventory list, perhaps including photographs. It may not be comprehensive, but it can help form a common base of knowledge, especially for faraway sibs.
2. The closest siblings can also arrange for appraisals of any particularly valuable items.
3. Each sibling should familiarize him/herself with the inventory list.
4. Ask your folks to give you a general idea of items they plan to take with them. These items can still be available for picking, but the picker would understand that they might not take possession for a long while.
5. As much as possible, each sibling should attend the Great Eeny Meeny Miney event in person. Faraway siblings may send an adult child as emissary, or can attend by phone, Skype, Facetime, or whatever. It will likely run more smoothly if you do not open the event to spouses or children other than as a substitute.
6. For example, if there are three of you, the participants can draw straws for order of pick. Then proceed in order and then rearrange order: for example, 1,2,3; 3,2,1; 2,1,3 and so forth.
7. Walk around the house, picking items. Document the choices with a sticker on the item
   and a note on the inventory list.
8. Cover one category at a time: Paintings, Rugs/fabrics, Furniture, Tablescapes (Knickknacks), Lamps, Silver/crystal/china, Kitchen.
9. When you reach the point in each category where no one wants to take possession, the rest of those items can go to charity or a rummage sale. Each sibling receives cash or a charitable donation receipt for 1/3 the sale.
10. For the items that are much more valuable, some options are: one sibling buys the others out; siblings co-own and pass it around every few years, or items are sold and the proceeds split.
11. Items that each sibling gifted to your parents over the years are returned apart from the pick.
12. If appropriate, compensate the siblings who did all the work and/or paid event expenses. This may be with cash or extra picks or whatever.

Our Eeny Meeny day wasn’t without trauma, but I think in the end we all received items we cared about. No one felt cheated. I’m convinced the planning helped keep the “Miney” at bay.

Meet Karen