A grandpa was telling his young grandson what life was like when he was a boy. "In the winter we’d ice skate on our pond. In the summer we could swim in the pond, and pick berries in the woods. We’d swing on an old tire my dad hung from a tree on a rope. And we had a pony we rode all over the farm."
The little boy was amazed, and sat silently for a minute. Finally he said, "Granddad, I wish I'd gotten to know you a lot sooner!"
A couple in their 90s are both having some short term memory loss. While in for a checkup, the physician says that physically they’re okay, but since they’re having trouble remembering things, they might want to start writing things down.
Later that evening they’re sitting and reading, when the husband gets up.
“Would you like anything from the kitchen?” he asks.
“Some vanilla ice cream,” his wife replies.
“Okay.”
“Shouldn’t you write it down so you don’t forget it?” she asks.
“Don’t worry, I won’t forget.”
“Well,” she says. “A few raspberries on top would be great. You want to write that down?”
“I’ve got it, honey. A bowl of vanilla ice cream with raspberries on top.”
“And chocolate sauce, too. Maybe you’ll forget that. Want me to write it down for you?”
A little miffed, he replies, “I’ve got it! Ice cream, raspberries and chocolate sauce. I don’t need it written down, for gosh sakes!”
He waddles out to the kitchen. A half hour later, he comes back with a plate of ham and scrambled eggs, and gives it to his wife. She looks at the plate a few seconds, then says, “You forgot my toast.”
On an overseas flight, a lawyer and an older man were in adjoining seats. The lawyer asked the senior if he’d like to play a little game. The older man was tired, and he told the lawyer he only wanted to sleep.
But the lawyer insisted the game was a lot of fun. “Here’s how it works,” he said. “I’ll ask you a question. If you can’t come up with the answer, you have to give me a dollar. Then it’s your turn to ask me one. But if I can’t answer it, I have to give you $20.”
The senior figured if he just got this over with, maybe he could get some sleep. So he agreed to play. The first question from the lawyer was “How far apart are the earth and the moon?”
The senior stayed completely silent, reached for a dollar, and gave it to the lawyer. Then he said, “My turn. What walks upstairs backward and comes downstairs forward?”
The lawyer was stumped. He thought and thought. He tried to remember all the riddles he knew. He searched every corner of his brain. Finally he gave up. He woke up the older man and gave him a twenty. The senior stuffed the twenty in his coat and went immediately back to sleep.
The lawyer couldn’t stand it. He woke up the older man and said, “I have to know. What walks upstairs backward and comes downstairs forward?”
The senior got out his wallet, gave the lawyer a dollar, and went back to sleep.
An elderly man was having hearing problems and went to see a specialist. The doctor fitted him with some hearing aids that brought his hearing back to full strength. After a few weeks the man came back to make sure the new equipment was working properly, which it was. The hearing specialist said, “It all seems perfect. Your family should be delighted you can hear everything now.
“Oh no,” the man responded. “I haven’t told any of them. I just sit quietly, listening carefully. I’ve changed my will four times.”
A police officer stopped an elderly driver and asked why he was out so late. The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer then asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replied, "That would be my wife."
One day, while strolling down the boardwalk, John bumped into an old friend of his, Rob. “You look great John, how do you stay looking so young? Why you must be 60 already, but you don’t look a day over 40!” Rob exclaimed.
“I feel like I’m 40 too!” replied John.
“That’s incredible” exclaimed Rob, “Does it run in the family? How old was your dad when he passed?”
“Did I say he was dead?” asked John. “He’s 81 and is more active than ever. He just joined the neighborhood basketball team!” responded John.
“Whoa! Well how old was your grandfather when he died?”
“Did I say he died?” asked John. Rob was amazed. “He just had his 105th birthday and plays golf and goes swimming each day! He’s actually getting married this week!”
“Getting married?!” Rob asked. If he’s 105, why on earth does he want to get married?!
John looked at Rob and replied, “Did I say he wanted to?”
"Oh, I sure am glad to see you," the little boy said to his grandmother (on his mother's side). "Now Daddy will do the trick he's been promising us."
The grandmother was curious. "What trick is that?" she asked.
"He told Mommy that he'd climb the walls if you came to visit," answered the boy.
Morris, an 82-year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doctor, 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you’ve got a heart murmur and be careful.”
Tait Trussell is an old guy and fourth-generation professional journalist who writes extensively about aging issues among a myriad of diverse topics.