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Reflections May 2013

"60 & Beyond" Quintessential Finishing School

Love Hurts: Mourning Lizzie Belle

By Peggy Henderson

Nevertheless, logic doesn’t apply when it comes to matters of the heart. We have submitted our names to an adoption list for another Golden.

In the course of 47 years of marriage to my stoic and Renaissance husband, two children, two granddaughters and a diverse collection of nine dogs, we recently said good-bye to our tenth- most special Golden Retriever of eight years, Lizzie. Affectionately called Lizzie Belle.

I know. I know. Most family dogs are special until the next ball of fur snuggles into your arms and then mind and heart meld into one. Lizzie happened into our lives as we graduated into the 60 & Beyond lifeline. (The social media has embraced the Edwardian term “a certain age” which sounds to me like a polite way to say “over the hill.”)

When I hugged Lizzie four months ago, I gazed into clouded eyes, an all-white muzzle and unknowingly, a head full of cancer. Lizzie grew old with me and I aged by her warm, comfy side. Regarding kindly condolences from admirers of her, a universal truth of loss prevails: I feel such a hole in my heart.

One morning I woke up with the lyrics of “Love Hurts” singing in my brain. Mind you, I’m no fan of singer Rod Stewart but I obviously didn’t forget his throaty voice wailing, “…love scars. Love wounds and mars any heart.” Perhaps there’s a lesson to be learned that might ease the painful process of grieving – or maybe not.

I Google research and type: steps and mourning. Number one is shock/denial. This stage is short and sad. The second state is reflection/anger. Anger doesn’t apply here; I’m working on happy reflections with the aid of Lizzie’s ashes settled on a shelf in my study and a photo of her joyously running in the neighborhood park. The last stage of letting go/acceptance places no time factor; it’s up to the individual.

Two Goldens shared their lives with us in the last two decades. Chassie, the Belle before Lizzie, carried an air of royalty about her. She knew she was exceptionally winsome and reveled in her glory. Along with her queenly behavior, she would periodically escape from our brick-wall enclosed garden and preen her 90-plus figure up and down the sidewalk, head held high.

Unlike Chassie, Lizzie didn’t care whether she was gorgeous or not. Being a homebody, she owned an inner clock that controlled her daily schedule (and mine) of meals, treats, walks, and nappy times. She was a personification of an attentive hall monitor, and took her assignment seriously. Outside she was our gate greeter. I could tell from the sound of her welcome bark that there must be children holding their angel-soft hands out to pat her.

What always makes me smile is when I recall the times that I’d catch Lizzie munching my blue salvia leaves on hot, humid summer afternoons. She looked like a devoted foodie savoring the good life. What a love bug she was.

The word “was” means past and the “now” acceptance stage is upon us and the Puppy Discussion is in session.

Past Puppy Discussions were: how long should we wait? Spring would be better this time rather than fall. There was never any doubt that there would be another dog in our house.

Now, it’s different. It’s a classic Catch 22.

  1. Now that we are both retired, our extended travel plans would be curtailed because of long kennel stays.
  2. The reality of the “terrible two’s” puppy stage of damaged furniture legs, shoes and handbags. Etc.
  3. My beloved rose garden
  4. What are we thinking? This is our time for ourselves. Total independence.

Nevertheless, logic doesn’t apply when it comes to matters of the heart. We have submitted our names to an adoption list for another Golden. We know what the mother looks like and although she’s a knock-out with competition ribbons to boot, she doesn’t hold a candle to Chassie Belle. Puffs of Lizzie’s hair will probably still be found under our bed by the time Miss Gracie arrives in May.

I wonder if Gracie Belle will acquire a taste for salvia leaves too?

 

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