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Reflections August 2017

Leslie Goes Boom

A Trip to Crazy

By Leslie Handler

Then there were the times I drove off with my purse on the hood of the car, couldn’t find the car keys hanging in their regular spot by the back door, couldn’t find my glasses on top of my head, and couldn’t remember why I walked into a room.

It seems that as I get older, I get more and more of a hitch in my giddyap. It started with a little sore ankle that never got better. Then a little plantar fasciitis was added to the mix. A sore hip became a herniated disc, followed by surgery with a splash of osteoarthritis added in. I guess these things just can’t be avoided. I know I’m not alone whenever I go to get up from a lengthy seated position with friends. As each of us rises, a combined groaning sigh softly comes out of each of us as we rise and stretch out our aching body parts. It’s all to be expected as we age, and as my mother-in-law used to always say “it beats the alternative.”

But my cause for concern lately isn’t the physical, but the mental hitches. I’ve always known that with the birth of each child, I lost brain cells. There was the time when I packed the new baby’s bag for an outing. I made sure I had extra diapers, wipes, formula, toys, and even a change of clothes…for both of us. I got in the elevator of our high rise apartment, pushed the down button, and watched the door close as I hung that heavy diaper bag over my shoulder and realized I had everything I needed…except the baby! She, was safely locked in the apartment… all by herself.

That’s when it all started. Then there were the times I drove off with my purse on the hood of the car, couldn’t find the car keys hanging in their regular spot by the back door, couldn’t find my glasses on top of my head, and couldn’t remember why I walked into a room. But as I’ve aged, I’ve gotten worse.

There was the time I drove cross country with the two kids, two birds, three dogs, and a myriad of hamsters; I stopped at the half-way point for a fill-up and tried to drive off without removing the gas pump from the car. We drove the rest of the trip with trash bags taped to the rear window of the car.

There was the time I almost burned the house down not once, but twice when I built a nice fire in the fireplace leaving the flu closed.

Last month I thought my dentist was crazy. He told me that we would need to take the impression for my new mouth guard. “What mouth guard,” I asked? “The one we talked about last time you were in. I have it here in my notes,” he said. I insisted that we had never discussed it, but we went ahead and took the impression and ordered the guard. That night, I told my husband that the dentist was nuts because he tried to tell me that he had discussed ordering a mouth guard with me when I knew we had never discussed it before. My husband then informed me that I told him all about a discussion I’d had with the dentist about a mouth guard the month before. Apparently it was I who was going crazy.

Then last week, I insisted that the auto repair shop got my passenger-side seat all wet. I insisted that they must have spilled something all over the seat. I told them that they were responsible for the warning light that went on on my dash telling me that there was a short circuit in the passenger air bag that was caused by the seat getting wet. I insisted that they would need to both repair the problem and pay for my seat to be steam cleaned. I woke up in the middle of the night realizing that I had placed a bottle of Gatorade inside the back pack I had on the passenger seat earlier that day. I jumped out of bed, went to where I store my back pack, felt the bottom of it was soaking wet, reached in, and pulled out a now empty bottle of Gatorade. I made my husband call the shop the next day to explain and apologize for me.

What a trip life takes us on. First my body starts to go. Then my mind completely loses its entire bag of marbles. I’m taking another trip soon. I’m going crazy. Anybody want to come for the ride?

 

I’ve fallen and I CAN get up are the words I live by because when I fall and go BOOM, I always get back up.

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