I am not proud of this, but I have a criminal past. In fact, I am a criminal mastermind. My crime was never uncovered. I got away scot free. I am only talking about it now for two reasons. One, I want to bare my soul and ask forgiveness. Two, I’m pretty sure the statute of limitations has expired.
What drove me to this shame, this horrible criminal act? What made an ordinary guy like me live with a burden that has weighed me down for these many years?
The Titanic.
I am a Titanicphile. This will come as no surprise to the people who know me personally. I’ve been obsessed with the Titanic since I was a child. This led me to a fascination with large ships in general and the Titanic in particular. My friends who know this are often thrilled with my long winded – but horribly entertaining and instructional – speeches on the Titanic.
These friends show great constraint when asking me their burning questions about all things Titanic related. No doubt, they fear for my health as I can get so worked up while relating the little known facts of the tragedy. With that in mind they cast nervous glances at one another every time I mention “Titanic” as they try to steer me away from getting on the subject, so great is their concern for me for I have been known to talk until I am hoarse as I relate one thrilling story after another until I collapse in exhaustion.
How true are the friends who even though they are captivated by my lecture, nonetheless insist that I lay down and rest. Frequently, they become so engrossed with my stories that they will suddenly look at their watch and remark, “Whoa! Look at the time! I have to be anywhere.” Of course, I promise to pick up where I left off the next time I see them. Their looks of relief are thanks enough for me.
But I digress.
I remember the exact day that I became a Titanic fan. I was 11 years old and my mother had driven me to the local public library which was our custom at the time. As I sat at a table, leafing through whatever children’s lit I had picked to read, I noticed a book sitting on the table that someone had left behind. Like a pusher giving away drugs for future customers, someone had left this book to hook an unsuspecting 11-year-old boy. Me.
Bored with whatever I had been reading, I dragged that book to me. The book was titled, The Only Way to Cross, by John Maxtone-Graham. It was not a book specifically about the Titanic, it was a book about the classic era of the ocean liner and the great ships that ferried millions of people back and forth across the Atlantic, ending only when the passenger jet could do so faster and more economically.
But no book about ocean liners can be complete without mentioning the Titanic. By pure coincidence I opened the book to the chapter on the Titanic. I was instantly captivated. I read about the bravery and cowardice, of the ships officers, crew and passengers. I read about the horrible set of circumstances which placed the Titanic and the iceberg at the same place and time. I read about the deplorable way the third-class passengers were left on their own. And I read how a third-class child had a lesser chance of surviving than a first-class man.
I checked that book out and read it from cover to cover over the next two weeks. An obsession was born. When the time came to take the book back, I told my mom I lost it.
She admonished me for my irresponsibility and I took the criticism with the knowledge
that the book was hidden under my bed, the way a teenager might hide a Playboy magazine.
I stole that book. My mom went to the library and purchased it. My crime was undetected and remained so until this day.
Eventually, I would go on to become a productive member of society. So I ask, please do not judge me too harshly. The book still sits on my shelf right next to me. And on the first page is a pocket with a sleeve that reads “Due Date: November 24th, 1972.”
The exact date that I became a criminal mastermind.
You can reach me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. , or follow me on Twitter @samiambeeson.