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Reflections July 2016

Tunnel Visions

My Family of Heroes

By Bonnie McCune

The most essential quality of a hero is simply for a person to be willing to step forward and take charge and responsibility. Sure, other things are important: ability to stay calm, rational thinking, empathy. But none of those matter unless you realize you have to act.

What makes a hero? My daughter's one. Recently, driving through our downtown area, she spotted a woman bent over, clutching her chest. Since my family is made up of heroes, she leaped out of her car, and went into action. While she asked the stranger if she needed help, my daughter called 911 and stayed on the line and with the victim (by that time turning blue) until the medics arrived.

The thing strange to her was that although hundreds of people passed on the crowded sidewalk, not one stopped to offer assistance. Not a surprise to me. Years ago I learned of a concept called "diffusion of responsibility" or "bystander effect." This social psychology theory was developed after the murder of Kitty Genovese in New York, during which many in the crowded neighborhood heard her cries for help but didn't take action.

The idea – the more people who are around in an emergency, the less likely anyone will help. "Let someone else do it."

When I learned of this concept, I vowed never to fall victim to it. And my entire family subscribes to the approach. My husband, two children, two grandchildren, and myself have all stepped in to offer emergency assistance. By my count, we've saved about eight lives as well as rescuing numerous others from lesser crises. That's why we're a family of heroes. Examples?

  • My bicyclist son competing in a race stopped to help a fellow competitor who had crashed, thus losing the race but saving the victim hours of pain.
  • Years ago, upon hearing a woman's screams for help, my then-fiancé ran through the neighborhood until he located her and intervened to halt her boyfriend's beating.
  • Nine-year-old granddaughter Lil whipped out her new cell phone to dial 911 for assistance to a pedestrian rubbing his chest and reeling.
  • When a crowd gathered on a city corner around a man who appeared disoriented and in danger of being run over, I kept traffic away and told a medical student to call an ambulance.
  • Even my seven-year-old grandson became a hero the time I tripped and sprained my ankle, scampering for someone to help me limp home.

We don't have superpowers. We're not outstanding athletes or geniuses. We're ordinary, not extraordinary. But extraordinary things happen to us, and they can happen to you.

The most essential quality of a hero is simply for a person to be willing to step forward and take charge and responsibility. Sure, other things are important: ability to stay calm, rational thinking, empathy. But none of those matter unless you realize you have to act.

I've often noticed in news reports the appearance of someone in the crowd who becomes the hero. Not infrequently, this is not an official, a boss, or a pushy guy. I call them "Bachelors" after one man who helped out following a massive train wreck in Britain. He broke windows to pull victims out, carried others to medics. Person after person said he'd been helped by Bachelor, a guy who appeared out of nowhere and disappeared back.

Heroes don't always come out alive. Consider the brains, whoever they were, behind the crash of United Airlines flight 93 on September 11, 2001, thus saving hundreds or thousands had the flight continued. Or more recently, the shopper in the Paris kosher market, murdered as he tried to grab a gun to shoot the terrorist holding people hostage.

I tell the stories about my family of heroes to my grandchildren now. Stories can have an enormous impact on listeners, providing examples, warnings, models, inspiration. I hope the kiddoes realize they have choices – to act or be passive, to lead or to follow, to have some control over themselves and life, or to simply submit. I want them to know that heroes don't exist only on a screen or video game but can be everyday people – even themselves. I trust they won't be foolish. Still, I believe the danger to a human's development, indeed, his soul, lies in merely observing rather than participating.

Test this premise yourself. Next time you hear about a person who showed courage, see if he acted, showed initiative rather than waiting for someone else to be a leader. If you're in a similar situation, perhaps you'll opt to respond and become a hero, too. 

 

Bonnie McCune is a writer and has published several novels as well as other work. Reach her at www.BonnieMcCune.com.

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