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Reflections March 2016

Golden Ponderings

Living Our Legacies

By CJ Golden

Ah. There it was. The legacy I am striving to leave. I want people to remember feeling good when they were with me.

Yesterday I attended a memorial service. Yet another friend has passed from this realm to another. Yet more tears and eulogies and nervous laughter and remembrances. And the opportunity to reflect upon this good man's legacy; one of strength, good humor, courage and the love of his fellow man.

Ed was a brilliant businessman who always saw the best in others. He encouraged us all to be more than we thought we could be and, under his mentorship, many achieved in areas that they thought were – if not impossible – highly improbable.

He loved people and his wit and open heart exhibited that part of him completely.

And so went the speeches and stories that family and friends regaled us with during the service. And they were all true and touched everyone in the room as we nodded in agreement with each kind word spoken about our dear departed friend.

When we left the funeral home, the word "legacy" presented itself to me in bold letters. My mind would not let it go and that became the theme of the day for me.

Legacy.

We discussed that which Ed left. He left a legacy of love, laughter and kindness. What legacy will I leave when it is my turn to die and my spirit is all that others have of me to hold in their hearts?

Certainly I want to leave a legacy like Ed's: one of love and laughter and kindness. I want to leave a legacy of having lived each day with a positive attitude and I want to leave a legacy of being a woman who strove to become stronger and more courageous with every day of her life.

But it was sitting with another dear friend later that afternoon, discussing our now deceased parents, that presented me with the legacy that I most want to leave. She was talking about her father who, although certainly not a perfect person (who among us is?) was a man that she loved – and still loves – very dearly. She forgives him his imperfections. When I asked her why she simply stated, "Because he made me feel so good when I was with him."

Ah. There it was. The legacy I am striving to leave. I want people to remember feeling good when they were with me.

And that can only happen if I begin to live that legacy now, while I am still alive.

I can make my kids and grandkids and friends and family members feel good by living my life with joy and gratitude; by reaching for the stars and understanding that even if I fall short of my goals, I will have still soared in the attempt; by encouraging them – by example and in words – to do the same. I can live my desired legacy by simply being fun to be with – through play and song and maybe even my poor banjo skills. And I can live that legacy now with special times and values that I share with each of these people who are so dear to me.

Hopefully my oldest granddaughter will remember us discussing things as silly as makeup and things as important as friendships. Will my youngest granddaughter remember me as a mentor and cheerleader as she wrote her first book? How about my oldest grandson; will he recall the times we studied his scripts together during rehearsals for his various stage plays? And will my two youngest grandsons remember the secret sign between us for "I love you" and sleeping in the "castle" in my bedroom during sleepovers?

How about my children – will they remember me for forging through adversity and coming out stronger and, therefore, encouraging them to do the same?

And my husband and my friends – will they recall my joyful times, raucous singing and positive attitude?

These legacies can only happen if I live them now and continue to do so till the end of my days.

We cannot hope to be remembered fondly if we don't live a life of kindness and joyfulness, being supportive and loving to those around us and displaying the qualities we hope to be eulogized for.

It starts now, folks. Not later. For "later" might be too late.

 

C.J. Golden, motivational speaker and author of "Tao of the Defiant Woman" and the award-winning "Tao-girls Rule!," travels the country inspiring all with her dynamic spirit and vision. Visit her at www.taogirl.com.

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