Meet our writers

Win $1,000







Reflections October 2015

Senior Moments

Transitioning into Retirement Isn’t Always Easy

By Edward A. Joseph

New retirees may ask themselves, "How come I feel let down and feel like a lost something? I have been working 40 years for this time and this is not how I expected to feel."

One of the most important differences between a change and a transition is that changes are driven to reach a goal, but transitions start with letting go of what no longer fits or is adequate to the life stage you are in.  — William Bridges, "Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes"

Your financial ducks are in order; you have selected an amenable retirement location that you and your spouse, or significant other, are looking forward to moving to; you have been conscientious about taking care of your health and are now ready to start a new physical activity, for example, golf. You are obviously ready for all the changes retirement entails.

Actually, according to William Bridges, author of Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes, you may be ready for the changes of retirement, but you are probably not ready for something much more important: the internal transition process that is part of a major life-change like retirement.

When I retired early because of a buyout, my daughter, Amy, gave me Bridges' book, and it has proved to be one of the most valuable gifts I have ever received. The following are some of the things I learned from Transitions that have made my retirement more understandable and less anxiety-producing.

Most retirees are not in touch with the inner psychological and emotional dynamics that are inherent in the transition of retirement, and they are generally unaware of the threefold process that all transitions are composed of: an ending, a neutral zone, and a new beginning.

As a recent retiree, one's work life has ended, and even if there are many new activities, possibly even starting a new job, there are still internal issues that are important to pay attention to. Understanding the process of transition better helps a retiree deal with the emotional and psychological challenges that are part of all significant transitions.

The important internal work that is involved in any transition takes place in the "neutral zone." The old work life has ended, and one may be rushing around with many new beginnings. But this is not always the best idea, because it may slow down the process of restructuring, psychologically and emotionally, a new life.

In addition, the behaviors that helped one in an old life may be hindrances in a new life. One example given was of a retired executive who rearranges everything in the kitchen when his wife is away as a "surprise" for her (including labels stating what was in each drawer and cabinet) cannot accept or understand her ballistic reaction when she saw what he had done. His detailed, business-oriented mind and his need for controlling his environment were not necessarily assets in his new life.

New retirees may ask themselves, "How come I feel let down and feel like a lost something? I have been working 40 years for this time and this is not how I expected to feel." Or as one Transitions workshop participant said, "They congratulate you on your new life, but I have to mourn the old life alone." It is helpful to remember at such a time that confusion and disorientation are common components of the neutral zone.

In other times and cultures, the neutral zone was formalized, "...the person in transition left the village and went into an unfamiliar stretch of forest or desert zone." The neutral zone in these cultures was not meant to be a pleasant time, but a time of reorientation.

The transition process is an integral part of every human being's life, not only in retirement, but also in many other situations, "Endings and beginnings, with emptiness and germination in between. The basic shape is so essential to growth that we must learn to recognize it in our lives."

Since I retired, I have undergone other transitions, most recently the retirement of my spouse, Susan. I remember talking to my sister-in-law about her and her husband's retirement a year or so before Susan's. She told me that the retirements had made a huge difference in their lives and indicated it wasn't always smooth sailing. At the time, I thought to myself, "It should be no big deal for Susan and me."

It turned out to be a big deal, so big in fact; it motivated me to reread Transitions. This rereading has helped me deal with the neutral zone that I am now in, as well as the neutral zone that Susan’s and my relationship is now in.

It also reminded me of some ways to help the time in the neutral zone to be more productive such as accepting my need for time in the neutral zone; planning for regular time alone to figure out what I really want; and to keep a log of my neutral zone experiences.

The "dividends" from Amy's retirement gift have significantly outperformed my other investments.

 

Contact the author at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. .

Meet Edward