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Reflections July 2014

My First Senior Discount

By Sy Rosen

I went to Carrow’s and the cashier told me they had a special senior’s menu. She wasn’t sure how old you had to be to get the discount but she was sure I would qualify. She was being very nice but I had this urge to shove her into the salad bar. I was pretty sure I could squeeze her under the sneeze guard.

It all started with 57 cents. And although it happened ten years ago, I remember this humiliating disaster like it was yesterday. There I was standing in Carl’s Jr., looking at the bill and realizing I was undercharged. I spent about 20 seconds deciding whether I should tell the teenager behind the counter and finally came to the conclusion that for 57 cents I could take the moral high ground. However, when I informed him of his mistake, he replied with a big, helpful, pimply, toothy grin that he had given me a senior discount. I don’t know if he actually yelled this out but I felt that everybody in the place turned their heads simultaneously, even the guy in the men’s room.

The worst part was that I was afraid the grinning teenager may have been right. It’s kind of nebulous as to when you’re actually considered a senior and I didn’t really know the cut‑off. I thought I was under the wire; after all I was only 52 years old. Okay, 53, okay 54, but that’s the last okay you’ll get out of me. Okay, I was 55. But I didn’t feel like a senior or at least I didn’t up till then. I remembered the first time I was called sir and how much I hated it. Boy, I would have given anything to have that moment back.

Anyway, back to Carl’s Jr. (we old people tend to ramble); the teenager’s grin defied all laws of nature and grew even wider. He reminded me of Nicholson’s Joker evil, sadistic, malignant. I fantasized twisting off his grinning head and placing it between the creamed spinach and the roasted potatoes but instead mumbled thank you and paid my bill.

Maybe it was the fact that I said thank you but I couldn’t get the whole thing out of my mind. Maybe it’s also the fact that I’m a comedy writer and was told privately a month earlier by the executive producer of a TV show that he couldn’t hire me because people above him wanted someone younger. The sad part was that I said thank you to that jerk, too. I thanked him for his honesty but really I was afraid to make waves.

Anyway, for whatever reason, I now went on this mad quest to get more info on senior discounts. I found out there were no consistent guidelines. At Fantastic Sam's one of the hair stylists told me you had to be 62 but they don’t initiate the discount. That’s because some of their patrons got very upset when they were offered it. You don’t want to ask a man or a woman who just had their hair dyed if they want a senior discount.

I called Hamburger Hamlet and asked about senior discounts and the guy immediately started speaking louder to me. I guess he figured if I was a senior, I had to be hard of hearing. He sadly informed me there were no discounts. The Daily Grill also doesn’t have discounts but the manager proudly said, people of the senior persuasion sometimes order one meal and split it. We don’t charge for splitting. I guess he felt seniors eat less (he should go to lunch with my Aunt Gussy who considers blue cheese dressing a beverage).

I went to Carrow’s and the cashier told me they had a special senior’s menu. She wasn’t sure how old you had to be to get the discount but she was sure I would qualify. She was being very nice but I had this urge to shove her into the salad bar. I was pretty sure I could squeeze her under the sneeze guard.

Boston Market told me you had to be 65 but Arby’s said you would qualify at 55.

A strange thing started to happen as I did this research on senior discounts, I was getting angry at the places that didn’t give them. We seniors need a break. That’s right, I was a senior and I was proud. I was so proud that I called up that executive producer who didn’t give me a job because I was too old and told him to go to hell. I put a handkerchief over the phone and didn’t identify myself but I still consider it a victory.

 

Sy has written for The Bob Newhart Show, Taxi, MASH, Maude, The Wonder Years, and Frasier. He has been married for forty-one years which is great because they say the first forty are the toughest.

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