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Humor June 2018

Do You Speak Millennial?

By Susan Goldfein

But don’t despair. Help is here. It’s time to take the English as a Second Language quiz. Give it a try. Your results will predict whether conversation with your grandchildren is still possible.

So you think you’re woke because you got with the latest meme? Or maybe you understood even one line of the lyrics from “Hamilton?” Would you bet you know what Bible means? Or salty?

Well, save your money! Because if you think salt is a condiment or a crusty old sailor, and Bible refers to the book that the Gideon Society used to leave in cheap motel rooms, then you are definitely not lit!

But don’t despair. Help is here. It’s time to take the English as a Second Language quiz. Give it a try. Your results will predict whether conversation with your grandchildren is still possible.

 

1. Glo’d Up

a. A command given to your dog named Glo’d when you want him to jump on your lap.

b. Past tense of gla’d up.

c. Opposite of glo’d down.

d. a or c, but never b.

 

2. Snap Trap

a. A lure to catch a turtle.

b. Pans Part spelled backwards.

c. A photo taken for purposes of blackmail.

d. None of the above.

 

3. Throwing Shade

a. Tossing your sunglasses out of a car window.

b. Playing with the basketball formerly known as Wilson

c. Casting a tall shadow.

d. All of the above.

 

4. On Fleek

a. Santa’s command to his newest reindeer.

b. Streek where Sweeny Todd lived

c. Telling someone you’ve joined a new social media site.

d. Some of the above.

 

5. Draking

a. Making out with a male duck

b. Getting a bad mark for lack of proficiency with a garden tool

c. ODing on music by a certain pop star

d. When will this be over?

 

6. JOMO

a. Joe’s lawn mower

b. Like slo mo, but jumpy

c. Dyslexic version of mojo

d. A, or possibly c, or maybe b

 

7. Hundo P

a. The hybrid that results from crossing Japanese and Korean cars

b. The Hundo that comes before Hundo Q

c. The sequel to the old John Wayne movie

d. Can I call a friend?

 

8. Keep it 100

a. Request from someone who likes a really warm room

b. One option if you find a C-note on the ground

c. Acing an exam, but not going for the bonus question

d. This is pathetic!

 

9. Adulting

a. Being married, and only thinking about having an affair.

b. A kid who’s wearing his parent’s clothes

c. A noun who grew up and converted to verbism.

d. Someone shoot me!

 

10. Suh

a. Southern for “sir.”

b. The sound of a tire deflating

c. A typo

d. I’d like to buy an “a,” Pat.

 

What the scores mean: 7 – 10 - Excellent - You are so trill; 4 – 6 – sort of cool, but not quite lit; 0-3 – you need milk!
 

Any interest in the intended usage of the above? Here it is! 1. Glo’d Up: someone who has suddenly become more attractive and mature; 2. Snap Trap: A tactic used to find out what your significant other is up to; 3. Throwing Shade: subtly criticizing someone; 4. On Fleek: flawless styling or grooming; 5. Draking: having feelings of sadness or melancholy; 6. JOMO: Joy of missing out; 7. Hundo P: 100%; 8. Keep it 100: acting in a way that’s true to yourself; 9. Adulting: doing something associated with being a bona fide grown-up; 10. Suh: what’s up\huh?

Other slang used above: Woke: aware; Meme: an idea that’s trending; Bible: something that is the truth; Salty: bad mood; Trill: to be true, or real; lit: extremely cool; Milk: help or improvement.