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Health August 2015

When a Loved One Suffers from Dementia…Engage!

By Scott Silknitter

Dementia sufferers may not be able to rationalize at the moment, so again, reassure them that they are safe and you are there to protect them.

We have all heard such laments: “She’s having a bad day,” “He was up all night, I need coffee, now,” “She keeps telling me there are spiders all over the bedroom when there are not.”

While brilliant professionals are diligently and tirelessly working to find a cure, caregivers on the front lines watching a loved one or patient, need help today.

A support group may not be there at 2 a.m. when a loved one wakes up and wanders around the house looking for the car keys because they “have to go to work.”

Yet, there are tools – indeed, simple methods that can help with the social side of care, right now!

Case in point: One morning, a loved one wakes up and says that someone came into her bedroom in the middle of the night to rob and rape her.

The first response is to validate their feelings and to let them know they are now safe.

Next, become a detective. Ask open-ended questions, who, what, when and where?

Dementia sufferers may not be able to rationalize at the moment, so again, reassure them that they are safe and you are there to protect them. While asking the questions, the caregiver may realize that it might have been them or another person that went into the room in the middle of the night to check on the loved one or patient. Perhaps, someone went in to put clothes away, or picked something up off the floor. While in the room, the caregiver may have noticed the covers were kicked off, so they put the covers back on.

Yes, someone may have been in that person’s room. They may have moved the belongings (put clothes away), or may have touched them when covering them back up. This is a common accusation. It is important to remember that patients may lose the ability to rationally think through a situation, which is why you must be a detective and not dismiss their story.

While we learn of advancements for the medical conditions that afflict millions, and hope that one day, soon, these terrible diseases will be wiped out, we must not lose sight of the people, who are suffering. Sadly, medical research remains focused on treating the diseases, while those afflicted as well as those who care for them are short-changed with a remedy.

My father did not choose to be diagnosed with Parkinson’s. He did not plan on developing dementia, but it happened. My mother, who became his primary at-home caregiver, when her husband was only 44 years old, did not choose her new responsibility, either – a task foreign and without immediate resources to help guide her. Dementia affects everyone involved. It is very stressful not knowing what kind of day it will be for the afflicted, and how the caregiver will handle and cope.

Engaging in an activity is another method that can be beneficial for all types of dementia. And, we are not just talking about bingo. Any type of leisure activity, such as a simple conversation, can benefit the people with dementia and their caregivers. Research shows that the use of person-centered and person-appropriate activities can provide positive effects for individuals with dementia. Some of the benefits of leisure activities and modified activities of daily living are listed below, as well as their importance:

  • Minimize behavioral changes – improve sleep habits
  • Decrease depression –  improve self-esteem
  • Reduce stress (yours and theirs) – increase mental and social stimulation

No matter where you turn for help, the key is that you get help. The social model of care and the consistency of approach, communication and execution of any activity with a loved one is vital to both being able to enjoy some benefits.

 

Scott Silknitter is the founder of R.O.S. Therapy Systems and co-author of the new book series, "Activities for the Family Caregiver: Dementia – How to Engage, How to Live."