Dear Miss Nora: My husband and I have gone shopping together once a week for years. But just recently he’s started to object to me asking for a senior discount whenever stores offer one. We are clearly old enough to qualify and I am grateful for the modest reduction but he says it’s embarrassing. How can I get him to appreciate the benefits of senior discounts and stop being so offended by it? — Disheartened in Dallas
Dear Disheartened: I vividly recall the first time I was ma’amed by a shop assistant. I was horrified and started to correct the young man’s assumption that I was old enough to be called ma’am … except that I was considerably older than him, he was only being polite and he was conveying his respect by addressing me so. The brat! My offense was more about ego than offense.
I tell you of my own consternation with being appreciated for my age because, although we are all aware it’s nice to qualify for special considerations, I'm certain your husband would rather be eligible for the virile manly-man group than senior citizens discounts. I fear this too is more about his ego than any offense.
Continue to shop together – I think it’s lovely. (If I dared to ask Walt to accompany me to the store – any store – he’d complain and whine enough to qualify for a junior discount, let alone a senior one!)
However, when it’s time to pay, have hubby take a little walk. Or he can wait for you at the other side of the conveyor belt and maybe help bag up your purchases – like a robust and strong manly-man.
Dear Miss Nora: I am about to celebrate 30 years of marriage with my husband and I want to surprise him with a gift that’s special and unexpected. We take nice vacations every year so he won’t consider that special. I'm stuck for an idea that he won’t anticipate. Can you help me think of something unpredictable and unusual? What do men in their 60s secretly want but don’t ask for? — Impulsive in Tampa
Dear Impulsive: Freedom! Give your enduring lover an entire week to enjoy his favorite waste of time. Nothing says “I love you” more than permission to be self-absorbed. Have it booked, paid for and maybe even pack for your groom and then send him off on an exciting solo journey to Me Town.
Don’t forget … while he’s gone; spend a little time appreciating your impressive accomplishments too. Nothing says “you’re welcome” like a long soak in a hot bath with nothing else to do (and no one else to do it for) than indulgence!
Dear Miss Nora: I came across an old love letter from my husband to his childhood girlfriend tucked away in a book while I was sorting through stuff to send to a charity shop. Even though the letter was written long before we had even met, I was still upset that he’s kept it, and jealous of his charm and emotions for this woman. He never speaks to me this way. It was everything I could do not to tear it up. Am I wrong to want to confront him with this? I'm not even sure why I'm so angry since he obviously never sent it except that he never speaks to me this way. — Green-Eyed in Georgia
Dear Green-Eyed: Chances are that your husband has forgotten about the letter, so put it back where you found it and give him the book to do with whatever he wants.
Casanova’s note aside, are you sure he never spoke to you this way? What made you fall in love with him, then? You are unfairly comparing a young, new tryst to a long-standing comfortable marriage that’s showing signs of wear and tear.
If you really want your husband to be the man in the letter, set the scene. Treat him to a romantic dinner and profess your love and affections to him – see if this doesn’t encourage the poet in him. However, if you’re not willing to make such an effort in honor of rekindling romance, perhaps your husband isn’t the one who let the fire burn out.
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